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Well I have again been missing for the last month... missing from not only the blog but it feels like I have been missing from life.

My back is killing me again. I wish I could figure out what I did last January to kill it and I wish I could figure out how to fix it... I am so afraid to go back to the Chiropractor after he finished demolishing me last year and put me in more pain then ever. So I am thinking about going to a Chiropractor that works with him? Is that stupid of me... ? I haven't decided yet. I just think I shouldn't judge his partner just because he killed me last time. I have been to the first Chiropractor, actually he is a manipulator, not in the devious kind of way.. But in the manipulating your back kinda way... many of times before and he did great, fixed me every time. But I went many times last year each time was worse then the one before it. I would be in even more pain afterwards for days. So I swore off Doctors and decided hopefully it would fix its self with time and hanging upside down on an inversion table... well here I am and no it hasn't healed...

Some times I have very little pain and I am afraid to move because I don't know what exactly I do that makes the pain come back with in a flash of a second... Sometimes I am just in a ton of pain... and I sleep the day or two or week away...  This month has been awful again... I have done barely anything around the house only doing dishes when I run out of spoons... and I know that sounds gross but its the truth I am in pain and I don't know what to do. I don't want to take medication... I can't live on medication that could give me cancer once it builds up in my system in ten years.... Or a stomach ulcer now... I am not going to live on  pain meds... But what do I do to manage the pain.... Better yet what do I do to fix the problem that I feel is never going to go away...?

I have had lower back pain for years.. since gymnastics when I was 13 or so.... I have had my top rib out of place several times and wasn't even able to sit up on my own, but at least the Manipulator was able to fix that..  But just above the center of my back... which is the support structure... with a dull, ache, pressure pain constantly and half the time radiating pains... I don't know what makes that so hard to get fixed but it really sucks. I am just so tired of being in pain and missing out on my life. I want to get my house clean, get ready to plant the garden, make summer plans, get all the projects done that need donw... but how can I plan if I am in pain all the time?

I sure hope my appointment on the 7th helps me... Maybe he will decide to do X-rays to see whats going on.. If this doesn't work I don't know what to do...